We Can't Be in Love

"We can't be in love," 

I whispered, but you refused to listen. The words that had plagued my mind for so long now also refused to listen, for in that moment I wanted nothing more than for you to hear what I had to say. But as always, they'd remain shackled in the depths of my mind, my soul left crippled for no tongue would come in aid to the voiceless. Speechless, you'd reach out and pull me in closer, making promises I knew you would never keep. Brighter tomorrows would become my dreaded todays, a nightmare replaying over and over again in my head. I knew we couldn't be in love, but somehow your words would always aim, with precision, at that empty hole in my heart. A temporary mask, but a mask nonetheless. Fragile, as though almost nonexistent, you'd break. The tear stained pieces becoming testament once again to two hearts that failed to beat together. To two hearts that had failed one another.

You told me you'd be everything I'd ever need, and that if I just placed my trust in you things would fall into place. And as I fell for your words, I'd close my eyes and hold back my guilt-ridden tears. You no longer meant the world to me. You no longer were the reason for my existence. Yet that empty space in my heart called out to you, holding on to the hope that things had changed, and that this time I wouldn't need to bend over to pick up the shattered pieces you'd always leave me with.

I'd push you away, breaking free from your desperate grip, but how many times would it take before I could finally break free?

"We can't be in love."  

This time, I wanted you to hear the urgency in my voice, to feel the certainty with which each letter was pronounced. Questioning the return of your grip on my forearm, you paused, your gaze piercing into my soul. 

"Just know that no other will bring you joy like I have, and no other will love you like I have. Replacements will come and go, but know that you will ultimately come running back to me. That empty hole can be fixed, so long as you trust in me".

I wanted nothing more than to be able to believe you and your words, for I could not bear the pain of of having lived a life in vain. But this time, things were different. This time, I had found someone who promised me better tomorrows so long as I put my trust in the toils of today. 

No one would love me as you had? If love was merely a myriad of temporary highs followed by the guilt of having bought into the facade of this feeling lasting forever, then yes, no one would ever love me as you had. But my new love promised me a reality your immaturity could never compete with. My new love would bring me joy, and through my sorrows. No longer would I continue in this love affair as my new love would show me the beauty in all that surrounded me, yet embrace me and protect me from all that would ever attempt to mask this beauty. My new love would prepare me for a hateful, unjust world wherein open veins spilled blood not in vain, but with a higher purpose your love failed to help me see. And with this purpose, my heart could finally heal, vanishing the hole your love would seldom seal. 

"We can't, and we will never be in love, so long as My Creator beats my heart to the rhythm of his love. His all encompassing, nurturing love."

And with these words, I could peacefully depart from a life crippled by the pain of your temporary love. 

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O my people, this worldly life is only [temporary] enjoyment, and indeed, the Hereafter - that is the home of [permanent] settlement. [40:39]